10 Steps to Being the Worst Blogger-Affiliate on the Planet

Written by Zac Johnson
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Being the best at something is highly overrated. And too mainstream, actually. Why not trying to be the worst, right?

But hold on, being the worst at something won’t necessarily be any easier than going the opposite direction … and that’s why I’m writing this guide. So here goes, 10 steps to being the worst blogger-affiliate on the planet.

Just to make sure we’re on the same page. A blogger-affiliate is someone who’s trying to make money blogging through affiliate marketing.

1. Don’t have an actual copy of the products you review

Being honest when reviewing stuff is just not worth the effort. You’d have to somehow get the product, play a while with it, test it thoroughly, and then write the review. That’s for beginners.

“The PROs” can review something just by looking at the promotional material.

Simply write a couple of words of encouragement, call it a “review,” and remember to include your affiliate link.

Also, if you’re using a star system to rate the products you review, give it around 4.7 on a 5 star scale. It’ll make it look real.

2. Buy every “make money blogging” product

This is simply a must. How else would you know what are the best ways of making money with a blog?

Here are some of the characteristics of a good “make money blogging” product:

  • Says it doesn’t promise overnight riches, but it does so anyway.
  • Says you don’t have to have any skills whatsoever.
  • Says it’s suitable for beginners.
  • Says you have to act now, or the sales page won’t be available next time you try to visit it.
  • Mentions an exact amount of money someone made with the product (this makes it real). Something like: You can make $159,124.45 with this thing.
  • Is delivered as a membership program, so you can spend money over and over again until the rest of your life.

Oh, feel free to spend anything from $50 to $1000 a month on such things.

3. Don’t build an email list

Only shady marketers and scam artists use email lists. First they convince people to join it by offering a nice gift, and then they send a ton of promotion every day.

You’re a blogger. You’re above all this. You can make your money just by mentioning some products on your site. Additional marketing methods like email lists are not fitting for a blogger!

Which brings me to…

4. Promote a different product every other day

The only way you’re going to make money as a blogger-affiliate is if you’re willing to promote a different product every other day (hell, even every day).

Simply go to Clickbank, PayDotCom and other networks, check what’s going on, and promote everything that pays well and has high gravity.

Also, go around the blogosphere and search for people selling their own stuff, who have in-house affiliate programs. Remember, don’t actually review anything, just use standard promotional materials. This will work just fine.

5. Use stock promotional materials

Here’s how to promote something as a blogger-affiliate.

First of all, don’t get the actual products you promote (already mentioned here).

Secondly, don’t write any promotional materials of your own. Whatever you promote, always take the materials from the merchant. If the merchant is a big player, they will have some template tweets, email messages and stuff.

Remember, zero-effort approach is what works for bloggers-affiliates.

6. Don’t focus on one niche, promote everything

Your blog is probably loosely related to a given niche (well, you have to write about something, right?). However, don’t pay much attention to this when selecting products to promote.

As I said multiple times here, you shouldn’t worry about doing any real job. Simply go to an affiliate marketplace and select whatever product seems to have a good affiliate program, regardless of any compatibility with your specific niche.

If the promotion is good, people will buy.

7. Don’t approve uncomfortable comments

Now, since you’re publishing some reviews that are created out of thin air, and since you’re using stock promotional materials, and considering the fact that everything gets published as standard blog posts, you WILL receive some negative comments.

Thankfully, you can ignore them completely. Whenever someone mentions that the product you’re promoting is actually crappy, just ignore the comment or mark it as spam.

8. Blast your blog with ads

Ads are the easiest way to monetize a blog. They are simple to use and don’t require much work on your part.

You can join ad networks like AdSense, Chitika and others, and include as many ad blocks in your site as possible.

A cool trick is to show an AdSense block styled exactly like a navigational menu. This way people will click it by accident, but you’re still earning your commissions, so there’s no problem.

The more ad blocks you feature on your site, the more money you’ll make.

9. Remain anonymous

Being transparent is just too mainstream. The less contact data you publish on your site the better. Here’s what to do:

  • Choose a nickname and use it everywhere. Call yourself something cool, like: the blog giant.
  • Show no contact data. No email, no contact forms. Actually, don’t create a contact page at all.
  • This one is tricky. Write a post explaining why you’re anonymous. In it, say that you simply want to stay underground and not get any mainstream publicity for your great results and personality. This will make you look sooooo cool.

10. Complain you’re not getting any results

If something doesn’t go well, it’s not your fault!

Blame Google for not ranking your site well. Blame Facebook for banning your campaign. Blame the merchants for not providing marketing materials that convert well. Blame your niche for not being ready to spend money. Blame your dog for distracting you from working. And so on…

This closes the list. These are my 10 steps, but I’m sure there are many more things one could do to become the worst blogger-affiliate on the planet. What’s your take on this? Any suggestions?

—- Back to the real world —-

Okay, time to switch back to reality again. Of course, I don’t want you to implement any of the advice in this post. I just wanted to remind you that there are actually people doing business that way.

Be wary of them, and focus on the important stuff (learning how to build a site, getting the essential knowledge before starting an internet business, preparing your marketing campaigns, disclosing your affiliations, and providing something of value to your niche in general).

This guest post was written by Karol K, who would love to connect with you on Twitter for some more insights (@carlosinho).

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17 Replies to “10 Steps to Being the Worst Blogger-Affiliate on the Planet”

  1. I am slightly ashamed to admit that I used tips 1, 4, and 5 to earn $350 in a month… BUT I was only building an email list and not blogging yet.

    I then bought the product I was promoting, created my own promo material, and stopped promoting other products and added $200 to my income that month!

    It was awesome!

    These tips are really helpful though if you understand how to reverse them for your benefit! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks,
    -Gabe
    My recent post The Only Two Types Of Lists You Need When List Building

    1. It's a fun list / post to play around with. Glad you liked it. Most bloggers will fall into some of these categories, it's just a matter of not going nuts with them.

  2. Somehow, I am extremely enjoying reading this post. I had been using lots of tricks up there over a year of blogging, especially my first year.

    Sometimes, a totally screw up post can be enjoying to read. And as I read up to point #10, by reading the title, I thought the complain would be writing to the affiliate vendor to complain that their promotional materials just don't work. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Great post there and you had just energized my morning blogging day.
    My recent post How to get early traffic from blog commenting

  3. I loved this parody of IM'ers. We are all guilty at one time or another of doing at least some of these things. It's healthy and educational to be able to laugh at ourselves.

  4. I always like your blog post because you always comes with different ideas and information. I always shared your site post with my friends. Keep posting and i will follow you.
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  5. I love this post, especially the remain anonymous tip. It worked really well for Ramsay the blog Tyrant even though he now says that since he lifted his disguise and became known to the public more doors have opened for him but I do think that is because of the mystery and reputation he gained from being the International Man Of Mystery AKA BlogTyrant.

    Tip 10 is the most important for anyone whether they are bloggers or not, any bushiness person and entrepreneur has to take responsibility as to why they are not getting the results they want and find a way to change that.
    My recent post 3 Powerful eBook Marketing Strategies

      1. That’s a bit strong.

        While I certainly believe that many people fail to succeed because they blame others for their lack of success, rather than to take a closer look at what they’re doing, it’s not always the case.

        The example that immediately springs to mind is safety issues. The car crashed due to faulty brakes. Not the drivers fault. Complaints from drivers resulted in a product recall. Brakes changed. Problem solved due to complaining.

        If I bring this back to the IM world, if a total newbie purchases a product, implements it to the tee, and fails because unbeknown to them they were sold trash based on outdated methods, is that their fault? Picking themselves up and not going again, may be down to them, but the initial knockdown?

        My recent post If You Want To Really Earn Money Online…Work Smarter, Not Harder

  6. Hi Zac
    Well now I know why I'm not making millions of dollars!
    Very entertaining post that certainly made me smile, but I wonder how many affiliates would really admit to doing any of the above?
    What the Hell is an Alpha Dog and How Will it Benefit Me?

  7. Sounds like you have been watch me and my IM techniques. I am still riding that learning curve.
    My recent post Should I Cash Out My 401K?

  8. Great items from you, man. I’ve consider your stuff prior to and you’re simply too magnificent.
    I actually like what you have obtained here, certainly like what you’re stating and the best way wherein you are saying it. You are making it entertaining and you continue to take care of to keep it smart. I can not wait to learn much more from you. That is really a great website.

  9. Strongly agree with teen lists above. but I think number 9 about remain anonymous need a little adjustment. If we're life in one niche topic (e.g: IM niche) we need to be "our self". With the original identity there, people and niche community around there will be more familiar with us.

    Thanks for sharing this list Karol.

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